This morning felt different.
I woke at 6am, not because I had to, but because there was a reason. The dog needed me, Luke needed to get to school, and—most of all—I needed to get to myself. For years I’ve struggled with early mornings. I could never stick to them without some external demand dragging me out of bed. Today was different. Today was mine.
By the time the house settled, I had a ritual going: a smoke, a theanine capsule to smooth the edges, and a cup of coffee in hand. Punching in a Dream by The Naked and The Famous blasted through my headphones, the perfect soundtrack for this mood—raw, unfiltered, breaking out of whatever cages I’ve lived in too long.
Now, here I sit at my desk. Not at a job I hate. Not just killing time. But building—finally building—a way of living from internet money. A way of sharing my voice, my systems, my recovery, my art, my vision. A way of making a difference and, in the process, proving something to myself: that my gifts were never meant to stay hidden.
For too long I’ve been shy, humble to the point of repression, and locked inside a socially autistic shell that never quite fit in the world’s “normal.” But the internet changes the rules. It gives me a buffer, a filter, and a connection point. I can shine here without the noise. I can create from my bubble and still touch the world.
As In My Garden by Pale Jay drifts in next, I laugh at the lyrics: “No, I can’t fake it. I’m not impressed by what I see.” Exactly. I can’t fake being something I’m not anymore. What impresses me is the fact that I’ve arrived here—awake, regulated, and finally working on what matters.
This is the real win. Not just waking early, not just sitting at the desk, but knowing why.
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